Monday, May 18, 2009

The Golden Rule : Sisters

Today, was a rather interesting day, I must say.

I almost forgot the golden rule.

No, "not treat others like you want to be treated", I have one for myself, personally.

It has the same meaning behind it, but it says more to me, as it deals with the complicated parts simply.

"Treat every guy like a brother and every girl like a sister. "

This causes me to give more of a pause when I am interacting with those around me. Growing up as an only child I have grown up with a rather interesting playmate.....myself. I've grown to see that it is quite easier to befriend myself than other people, I am always there and I don't have to go out of my way to spend time with myself, it's just not necessary.

Over the past three or four years, I have been presented with a new tast, realtionally. The time were most people seem to do better than most or so it appears. High school, was not as bad as I would've thought, but then again when you are used to being your own best friend, things seem to go over alot differently (i didn't say it was any easier). Middle school was horrible...... I screwed up in a lot of selfish ways, whilst trying to build friendships. First, by desiring relationship with a certain group of people, in order to fit it, black people. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm black so there shouldn't be a problem with this, right? Not true, when you feel like you don't fit in with your "own kind" it's kind of a blow to the self-esteem. But I tried and I tried, and eventually, I fit. And that's it, I fit, and I mean fit in the purest sense of fitting. I was like playdough or whatever that stuff is that lock smiths use to make keys.....that putty. I was putty jammed into a mold that wasn't my own and I fit. Some of the MOST UNCOMFORTABLE years of my life. Here I learned how to cuss, how to be a back stabber, be rude, to be quiet, to speak up, to ignore people, to give out of obligation, to give compliments when prompted, to fight other's battles, to talk back to my teachers and to wear lanolin oil lipgloss with black lipliner (that was really eyeliner).Time, afterwards I thought, wasted. But now a milestone.

Anyway, after my "MUST BE BLACK" phase, I entered High School with a better sense of who I was. I stopped tryin to fit in and I had my own friends, sorta.....i had my own click of people. But much like middle school nothing to brag about. (Key thing to note about this transistion, I had gone through a stage which most people call the "ugly duckling" stage, high school was my metamorphis!) Anyway, there were alot of people that I associated myself with, but that's just it, I associated myself with them, no friends, not for real. ( I do have childhood friends, but this story is not about them, that's a whole 'nother ball game!) Around my junior year, I met a girl, Zalia*, we met a program and it's funny how we met, there was a guy trying to talk to the both of us, and we just cliqued. Isn't that crazy!!! (By the way, a guy will be a large part of my female friendship and breakups.) After that summer, we jus became cool and even went to visit the guy, not good. He tried to push me off on his brother while he had his eye on her. I was devestated, i was thinking "this is why I don't even deal with other people, too much heartache." On our drive back, I did tell her, and well, you'd probably have to ask her how she took it. They did date for a while, and her and I, we are still friends to this day, we've been friends for about 4 or 5 years now.

Anyway, I don't want to get to far off on this friend tangent, but I will finish up with this. My senior year, I met a girl, Michelle*, she had just transferred from overseas and was new to the school. We sat right behind each other in Math. I don't even know how I became cool with her, we I think one day were talking about senior pictures retakes and realized that we both would be taking them on the same day. And from there I think we just became really cool. Fastforwarding to the Senior prom days, she ended dating this guy (here it goes, again!) and he had an ex-girl friend that just would not lay off. And at senior prom, I told my friend just to speak to the girl and maybe she wouldn't be so harsh. So at prom, I brought them face to face, not good. My friend was cool, but the other girl was not. After the encounter, my friend came to find me, upset and ablaze ( i mean, do you blame her). I went to the ex-girl, and tried to talk to her like a human, and she kept yelling, something in audible over the prom music. And before you know it (NO FIGHT) here come some classmates, yelling "don't fight" (what a way to instigate), and that just rilled her up. Needless to day, Michelle was upset with me, cuddled up with her boo. And all I could think was, "see this is why I choose to be alone, this is too much and dang that girl was not as put together as I thought she was. *sigh*." We are still friends today, going on about 4 year as well.

These situations have proved to me that, in my position in these situations, that I haven't always acted as the best friend and even today it still shows in some way. Its a work in progress. Reflection at 21 years old, is good.

Treating my sister, like a sister, would mean that I would care for her just as I care for my own sister, who is 17 ( I was raised an only child, but that doesn't mean I don't have siblings, she's my half sister). Whenever we talk about life topics, I always put myself in the situation and that helps me give her the most loving and truest advice, it also helps me treat her like I'm supposed to, if that makes sense. Let me explain, I'm older than her and I am able to give her advice about situations that I have already been in, i.e. college, guys, our Father ( a whole 'nother story ). I want her to do well, so I do what is loving and right and not always what's right in my eyes ( this had to grow on me ). I had to learn (and still learning) to give her the infalliable truth, not my opinion, and when she goes against it, tell her.

I'm learning that loving my friends, other women, like sisters, is much more than just telling them that I love them but caring enough to do the Godly thing by them and help them acknowledge when they are off track, but more importantly encourage them by letting them know that they aren't the only ones with this trouble.

" Do not rebuke and older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women, in all purity."
1 Timothy 5:1 & 2

No comments:

Post a Comment